The VERY Secret Diary Of Rachel Dawes
by batmanfan
Summary: Rachel Dawes takes you inside her mind and into a day in the life of a superhero's love interest.


**Hey Everybody! This is a stupid thing to write about I guess, but it's so god darn funny, I feel I have to share it with you... hehehehe. Enjoy! R&R!**

_August 7, 1995_

Went to pick up Bruce for the hearing. Very hunky now. Not that ugly kid he was before. I of course am hot, hot, hot, and I could tell he wanted me. I was kind of surprised cuz he came into the kitchen while I was searching for drugs on the shelves. I just said I was looking for the sweet stuff. He said some other stuff, but I wasn't really paying attention.

_Still August 7, 1995_

At the hearing, I doodled on my papers. Oh, look... A smiley face! I'm such a good drawer. Go me! Well, by the time the hearing was over, a hot reporter shot Chill. Not as hot as me though. So, I drove Bruce, but he showed me a gun, saying he was gonna kill Chill himself. So I slapped him. Again, again, again, and again. Go me! He got out, and I just fixed my makeup and thought "how hot am I?"

_June 1st, 2005_

Haven't written in a long time. Oops! I'm pissed. Pissed! That nerd of a doctor. Dr. Corn... no. Dr. Carne?... no. Dr... OH! Dr. Crane or whatever the hell his name is, he's putting those loonies into his nuthouse. When they need to go to jail! How rude can you be?

_June 10, 2005_

Just went for dinner at a fancy place, and ran into Bruce. He had to hot chicks on his arm. Not as hot as me though. They looked like sluts. I asked what was up, and I blew him off quickly, as I had a date. My date was late for dinner, so I refused to sleep with him. Go me!

_June 15, 2005_

Stopped at Bruce's to give him his birthday present. I found it underneath my bed, and it had dust on it, and it was taking up room, so I wrapped it in tin foil, and gave it to him. Then I got a call, so I have to go to Arkham, to see Dr. nerd boy aka Dr. Cornflakes.

_Still June 15, 2005_

Falcone was in his cell muttering something I suppose about how hot I am. I don't blame him. My beauty has drove some men to madenessSo Nerd boy came over and said a few big words, and took me down to this basement place. He said this is where we make the medicine. Perhaps you should have some. I ran off before he could finish. What the hell was this? Revenge of the nerds? Hey, I eat my cornflakes every morning... what did I hever do to Dr. Cornflakes? I ran to the elevator, but it didn't work. So nerd boy pushed the limit, and put a burlap sack to make him look even nerdier. God. He sprayed me with gas, and the next thing I know, I'm seeing worms. WORMS! Hey, my mind may be going but I'm still hot.

_Still, still June 15, 2005_

So nerd boy and his thugs took me back, to the basement, and then the lights went out, and that's the last I remember. Oh, well. More later.

_Evening Still, still June 15, 2005_

As I drifted in and out of conciseness, Batman groped me repeatedly. It felt good. Go me! Then he handed me to some other guy, and they took turns groping me. I don't blame them. I AM hot. Go me! So, then Batman put me in his car, and while he drove, he groped me. I've never been groped so much in my entire life. Go me! So then, I passed out, and who knows what he did to me then. Then I woke up, and he gave me a sedative. Probably groped me MORE. Go me!

_This night never ends does it?_

So, I wake up, and I'm so sore in places I can't write about. He must have done some serious damage! Go me! Then I remember, I must get these vials to that other old guy that groped me. So I checked myself out in the mirror, thinking all the while: How did I get so incredibly HOT? God, I'm gorgeous. So I put on a low-neck top, and my trench coat, which kinda covers up my cleavage. Oh, well.

_STILL JUNE 15! AHHHHHHH!_

I have just saved a whiny kid and tasered Dr. Cornflakes aka Nerd Boy. Go me!

_Still June 15th – Narrows Island_

God, I'm still here. Just got saved by Batman. Only thing is, when he grabbed me, I felt his hand slip up, and… well, never mind. Got groped by Batman. Go me! Oh, by the way. Found out Bats is Bruce. Always knew he had issues. But, I don't blame him for groping me. Did I mention that I AM HOT?

_June 16, 2005_

Went up to Wayne Manor, and it's burnt to a crisp. Looks like the toast I had for breakfast. I told Bruce that we couldn't be boyfriend and girlfriend, and told him to screw off and die. I Left in a huff, but in an incredibly hot manner. Whoa, how HOT AM I!

_At this point,Bruce comes in, starts humping Rachel's desk chair, and she accidently knocks her diary into the fireplace, destroying her increible story ofaction, adventure, and passion, and especially porn. Well, who cares? She's HOT right?_

**Thanks Everybody! Please review on your way out!**


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